Change is coming.
Whether it’s for the good or the bad remains to be seen, but it’s coming. The novella that kicked off this whole ball of wax is coming out sometime in the next month, I’m less than 12 hours from heading to Ireland for two weeks (!!!), and in all likelihood I’ll be unemployed by the time I get back.
So yeah, kinda dealing with some stuff.
The thing is, though–none of that is bad. The job thing isn’t “good”, per se, but it’s not like I enjoy working there anyway. I hate my job, so how can losing it be a bad thing?
Okay, yes, losing a source of income is never fun, but I can find ways around that. It’s not like I don’t have skills. It’s not like I’m not willing to work. I just don’t want to do it for a group of people who disrespect me, only to turn around and complain about my “attitude”. That’s just idiotic–on both sides.
So what is it then? Is it because I’m almost 43 and staring down the barrel of unemployment? Is it because I’m on the precipice of releasing my first book after 20+ years spent dreaming about it? Is it because for the first time in almost a decade I’m able to do something extravagant like leave the country on a two-week vacation–one that will also help improve my skills as a writer?
Yes, yes, and fucking duh.
I’m excited. Whatever else I say, never forget that. I’m losing sleep not because I’m worried (although I should be, I guess), but because I’m EXCITED. I can’t wait. I don’t want to wait. But I have to. I’ve yet to fully develop my Wave Wand & Shit Goes Your Way powers.
Tragic, I know. Those would be so useful right about now.
Uncertainty. That’s the point I’m at this very moment. Things are uncertain. And again, that’s not a bad thing. I’ve been here before. Last couple times I was blindfolded, adrift, confused. Didn’t know where I was or how I got there. But now I know–because I worked for it. I came here willingly. It was my choice. And that changes everything.
Careful, folks. There’s construction ahead, and it’ll likely be rough the next mile or two. But after that, it’s all smooth sailing. Fresh new road under foot, ready to be explored.
And that, my friends, is just too damn exciting a prospect to be afraid of it.
Of course, I’d still prefer being asleep right now, but what can you do?